


The Special Assignment

by toggledog



Series: The Captive [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Murder, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Bullying, Established Relationship, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, M/M, Masturbation, Mind Meld, Mommy Issues, Mother-Son Relationship, Neglect, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Protective Poe Dameron, Redeemed Ben Solo, Romance, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:03:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toggledog/pseuds/toggledog
Summary: Poe is on special assignment, away from Ben, for the first time since his turn back to the light. He tells himself that he won't use the Force to find him and read his mind... only, he's lonely at the Resistance base, with his mother too busy with her duties to give him proper attention, and many of the other Resistance members still not entirely trusting him, even going so far as berating him.  Maybe he'll just take a peek at Poe's thoughts and emotions...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This could be seen as part of my "The Captive" universe, but works just as well as a stand-alone.

They reached their peak in congruence, Ben allowing Poe’s ecstasy to overwhelm his senses, as he deliberately forced his own height of passion back towards the pilot.

_Ben! Ben! Yes, so good so good…_

_Damn, Poe…_

He gripped Poe’s slender left hip, groaning through his release inside his lover's tight heat, as he focused on the details of Poe’s own orgasm. The firm flesh of Poe's erection jolted in Ben's hand, spraying milky come over both of their abdomens. Poe’s head was flung back, revealing his long neck and bobbing adam’s apple, his larynx forcing cute whimpers out of his closed lips. One hand covered Ben’s own hand on his hipbone, the other cupped Ben’s right hipbone. His strong legs frantically still thrusted him up and down on Ben’s own erection, as though determined to milk the last drops from him.

_Ben…_

Both now utterly spent, Poe’s torso went flaccid, and he dropped his chest down, to tenderly nuzzle Ben’s neck, as his hands eagerly explored his body, the resultant sparks of pleasure from the light touches almost overwhelming to Ben’s frazzled being. Ben wiped his hand down Poe’s warm, sweaty back, catching the thread of one last thought, ( _…you’re incredible…)_ before withdrawing from his lover’s mind completely.

Poe then gently removed Ben from his body and lengthened his spine, staring down, his skin still slightly flushed, pink tongue licking along the edge of his lips, as though desperate, even then, to taste the last vestiges of his lover’s saliva. If Ben wished to, he could mentally push a little, to once more catch a glimpse of Poe’s thoughts. However, there was something alluring about not being privy to the precise meaning of the emotions swirling around those lovely dark brown irises.

“I’d better get ready,” Poe said, pouting.

“Do you have to?” Ben was aware of his whiney tone, but justified to himself that he had good reason.

Poe bent forward and pressed their lips together. Ben responded by gripping his jutting hipbones and, with an ‘Oomph!’ sound from Poe, flipping their bodies, so he was on top, before claiming his lover’s giggling mouth, using his tongue, and wandering hands, to cause Poe to moan and wriggle beneath him, in an exquisitely delectable manner.

“Damn Ben… if it were up to me, I’d stay here and we’d make love for the next…twenty… years… but I really should go,” Poe said, kneading Ben’s buttocks, as Ben nipped as his neck, the three-day stubble coarse against his lips. “Come on, beautiful.” He lightly whacked Ben’s left butt cheek.

Ben scowled and moved off him, allowing him to jump off the mattress.

“You know you’re adorable when you scowl?” Poe asked, kneeling by the bed, and favouring Ben with his sunny smile. “Want to join me in the shower?”

“You go. I’m just going to stay here and sulk,” Ben rolled back onto his chest and shoved his head under his pillow.

“Your loss,” Poe rose and languidly strolled to their ensuite, with the kind of unaffected swagger of one who bore no self-consciousness, when it came to their own naked body.

“Wait!” Ben threw the sheets off and climbed, likewise naked, out of the bed to join him.

*

“Don’t worry!” Poe’s smile was bright blue skies and lush greenery. For not the first time, Ben tried to mentally figure out the logistics of the most highly regarded, talented and handsome pilot in the fleet acceding to being with him. Surely, he could do better than an often-depressed turncoat with a violent and bloody past? “I’ll be back soon, okay? Before you know it.”

Rather than reassure him, the words tightened the already vice-like muscles in his abdomen. Ben gripped the lapels of Poe’s flight suit and pulled the muscular body against his own. Poe’s mouth now tasted of the mint that Finn had inexplicably given him, before boarding the aircraft. They released and Poe favoured him again with his typical grin, before walking away.

Visible in the X-Wing’s cockpit, Finn waved, his lips uptilted in a cheeky smirk, as BB8 chirped his own goodbye, before rolling behind Poe, to the craft. Ben waved back, his innards clenching painfully, scolding tears spiking the corners of his eyelids. Poe and BB8 boarded and then settled into the cockpit, waving at him a final time, before the aircraft shot into the sky.

Light footsteps turned him, to Leia, standing on the tarmac, directly behind him.

“I thought you would be in the operations room,” he said.

“I don’t spend all of my time in there. Only most,” she said, with a wry smile, eerily reminiscent of Poe. “Besides, it’s too early in the morning, even for Ackbar. He won’t be up for at least another hour.”

“Poe and Finn wanted to leave early. Get to Tektoo at a reasonable time, I guess.”

“I guess,” Leia squeezed his hand and they began to walk back down the hangar towards the main base. The second of the planet’s three suns was just starting to peek over the horizon, bruising the sky with vivid purple and navy blue. It looked to be another balmy day. In his current state, Ben would have preferred the weather be frigid and snowing. “Even though it’s top secret, I take it Poe told you what the assignment was?”

“There’s intel that the newly reformed First Order have been stealing children from Tektoo, to use in their slave army. Finn’s going because he knows the most about their potential plans and Poe, well, he’s the best pilot but also they partner well together.”

“We wouldn’t risk either you or Rey. Two of the only surviving Jedi, on essentially a recon mission? Not worth your lives. Also, I can’t deny a more personal reason for wanting you two to stay, considering you’re my son and she’s my niece.”

They were now directly outside the base. The guards stood at attention, by the entrance. Though their faces were resolute and stern as stone, their loathing was visible in the slight wriggling of their fingers, the twitch in the jaw of the guard on the right. A stray thought entered Ben’s brain, with the ferocity of a skull-splitting punch.

_Traitor…If he wasn’t the General’s son, he would be taken out and shot, like the akk dog that he is._

Ben’s own fingers trembled, his inner organs painfully pressing in on one another. He waited until they passed into the cylindrical building, before speaking.

“Mother…I am trying my best to make amends for everything that I… my crimes as Kylo Ren…” Ben said, as their feet now padded on the cool marble surface of the wide foyer.

“I know, Ben,” Leia said, gently squeezing the top of his hand again.

 “I was a fool-“

“We’ve already gone through this, ad nauseum,” Leia said, sternness underlying her calm tone. “You destroyed Snoke and disassembled his empire. That’s a pretty definitive way of beginning to make amends.”

“But it isn’t enough,” Ben’s tight muscles had eased a little, with Leia’s words, but were still so rigid that his viscera trembled.

“This wasn’t all your fault,” Leia said. “If we want to apportion blame, Snoke was the one who groomed you, sought you out. Maybe we can go back even further and blame your father and I-“

“Mother-“

“For placing ourselves above our own flesh and blood. Yes, I’ve already accepted my role, in what happened. I, too, have a lot to make up for.”

Her face softened, as her eyes, the exact same shade as his own, caught his.

“Ben…” She wrapped her arms around his back, pressing her cheek against his chest. Ben always found it remarkable such a tiny woman could wield such power. “You’re my son, and I love you, okay?”

Ben nodded, blinked and allowed salty tears to run down his cheeks.

*

After seeing Leia off to the main control room, Ben backtracked to his room, closing the door behind himself and frowning down at the still ruffled sheets from his and Poe’s earlier lovemaking. He ventured further forward and lifted Poe’s pillow, breathing in the scent of the pilot; musky but also a little sweaty, with a hint of jet engine fuel. Even after showering, Poe couldn’t scrub that scent off him. It was as though his passion of flying had now physically incorporated himself with his own aircraft.

Smoothing back the sheets, Ben sat on the mattress, crossed his legs and meditated, concentrating on his breathing, as Luke had taught him, so many years before. After a few minutes, however, it became clear that he was simply too unfocused. His brown eyes snapped open and he allowed the growl that came, unbidden, from his larynx.

 This was the first time, since his return to the light, that he was without Poe. The pilot had been a fundamental part of his return, and now he was gone.

_One week! If you can’t handle him being away for one week, then you have more problems than you even realise!_

 Squeezing his eyes shut, he allowed the Force to move through him, to guide him to where he wanted to be, to Poe. He wasn’t going to read his thoughts, he told himself, he just wanted to experience him, to feel what he-

Excitement exploded in his being. Poe was doing what he loved and Ben couldn’t help but beam in response. Snapping himself back to the room, Ben told himself that he would not peek on Poe again, while he was on assignment. The squirm of his stomach told him that it wasn’t right.

*

Ben settled down into the soft wet grass, crossing his legs and placing his hands gently on his knees. The forest was tranquil, this far in from the base, away from the constant bustle of the Resistance members. A few birds tweeted and the constant gurgle of the nearby creek, as well as the rustle of a light breeze through the trees, provided a harmonious aural background, in keeping with the picturesqueness of the lush forest around him.

This coppice was much preferable to the base, where it was apparent to him where he stood, in terms of the Resistance. Leia tried to keep him involved with matters but was preoccupied with her work against the First Order. Poe had inexplicably, to him, forgiven him for all of his crimes and, furthermore, loved him, kept pushing him to become more involved with the day to day operations of the Resistance. In their final battle, after he had destroyed Snoke and returned to where Finn and Poe were being held, to rescue them, Finn’s behaviour had vastly, and positively, changed towards him.

But then, Poe and Finn were just two people, in a base of thousands. At most, the others seemed to just tolerate him. Although Ben worked hard to switch off his never-ending sensory perceptions of others’ thoughts and emotions, every so often, particularly when he was in an emotionally vulnerable space, himself, they simply seeped through, into his consciousness.

Just that morning, walking through the base on the way to the forest, random thoughts pierced his skull, as various Resistance members passed him.

_What does Poe see in him?_

_Traitor!_

_He shouldn’t be here._

_I don’t think he even killed Snoke._

_The General is mistaken. Kylo Ren hasn’t changed. He can’t change._

_Sick individual. Should stab him though the heart, like he did Han Solo._

Their thoughts were as thousands of bee stings, penetrating his fragile being over and over. A part of him longed to lash out, to scream and shout and tell them to stop, he was no longer that person, he was changed. He was Ben. Not Kylo.

“They don’t know you. Not really,” the voice sounded.

Ben jumped, startled and swivelled around, to Rey standing behind him. Of course, due to their Force connection, they could read each other’s thoughts now, without barely trying. Peering into her formidable yet somehow vulnerable visage, Ben’s mind went to the tiny child awkwardly swinging a lightsaber about, with no awareness of the lonely future that would be her own, of the cousin who would betray her and burn the temple that was once of such solace to all the would-be Jedi children, of the father who would mindwipe and leave her alone on a planet for nineteen years. Now, with all revealed, Rey seemed as adrift as he was, the familiarity of her world shook up and spun around three sixty degrees, so up was now down and down up. He didn’t sense the animosity towards her as himself. Indeed, it appeared she was well liked within the Resistance. However, apart from Finn and Leia, as well as himself, she tended to keep more to herself. Even Poe admitted, merely two nights before, that there was an intrigue to Rey that perhaps he’d never understand.

“Their anger is justified,” Ben said. “It just gives me more impetus to keep trying to make amends.”

Rey came over and sat down beside him.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?”

Rey shrugged. “I thought you would have noticed, by now, that I don’t exactly fit in, with most of those other ones back there. Especially with Finn gone, it’s become more and more apparent where I stand.”

“You’re _very_ well liked. What are you talking about?”

“They’re a bit scared of me. Because of my power. I can sense it. Not Leia, obviously, or Finn or Poe. Maybe not Jessica. But the others… I can feel it. They think I might be tempted. They just don’t understand the concept of the Grey Jedi.”

“I guess not,” Ben said.

“Leia wants me to become more actively involved. But… I can’t… They don’t trust me. Not entirely. I’m surprised she doesn’t see that.”

“She wants me to be more involved, as well,” Ben said.

“Of course, it’s worse, for you,” Rey said.

“I deserve it. You don’t. You have done nothing to deserve their condemnation.”

“People are always fearful of things they don’t understand.”

Ben stood, shuffling from feet to feet. The conversation was making him feel antsy.

“Should we… maybe we should practice blocking our thoughts? You can try and read my mind and then we’ll reverse? I’ve been picking up on others’ thoughts, of late. I need to restrengthen my mind, to block them.”

Rey regarded him with grim solemnity, before standing, herself.

*

Lying on the bed, with Poe’s scent still lingering, Ben used his powers to absently twirled his own pillow in the air above his head. After an afternoon of unsuccessfully attempting to penetrate the barrier of Rey’s cognition, and her likewise unsuccessfully attempting to force her way into his, he had eaten an unappetising dinner of flatbread with bantha tartar and then retired to his room. Throughout the entire dinner, he attempted to talk himself out of searching for, and penetrating, Poe’s psyche.

_I won’t… I shouldn’t…_

He lowered his arm and the pillow flew down and hit the mattress next to him.

_Maybe just a little…_

He closed his eyes and projected the Force, concentrating on Poe, his beloved, focusing on his smell- jet engine and sweat, his soft voice, which always spoke with such enthusiasm, his infectious laughter, his large brown eyes with the curling dark eyelashes, his delicate, always expressive features.

_A bustling street. Market stalls on either side, mud splattering their shoes, with every step. Brightly coloured clothes, of the inhabitants, as they pushed past, the noise of hundreds of languages being spoken._

_A humanoid man fills his vision. Greasy black hair and beard, eyes a little too large, for his face._

_“You want a woman? Oh, a man is more to your taste? He’ll give you the time of your life! We can do you both cheap rates. The boyfriend doesn’t have to know.”_

_Poe’s laughter. “Pass, thanks.”_

_“Yeah me too,” Says Finn, beside him, who shakes his head._

_They continue walking, past the humanoid, who is swallowed by the crowd._

_“Sure, you don’t want to have ‘the time of your life’, Poe?” Finn’s smile shows every one of his white teeth._

_“Ah, the allure of sleazy sex. Cheap rates? I’m worth more than that!”_

_Finn laughs._

_“Are you?”_

_“Actually, probably not. But he’d have to be pretty specific. Black curly hair, olive skin, beautiful big brown eyes, tall, sarcastic, kind of fast way of talking… See, all this does is just makes me miss my Ben…Scrap that. There’s no one like Ben.”_

_An image flashes in Poe’s mind; Ben sees himself, that very morning, after making love. He holds a dreamy expression, tendrils of his sweaty hair attached to his cheeks, his mouth open and gasping, eyes looking up._

Ben swiftly pulled himself out of Poe’s mind and to their shared room.

*

Ben was on his way to the forest with Rey, when the commotion occurred. He could veritably see the Resistance members, in his mind, running about the control room, telling everyone to calm down. One name kept popping up again and again.

“General… the General.”

In one glance, Ben and Rey confirmed that both knew. They turned, as one, and sprinted back towards the base, skirting around fellow Resistance members without bothering to apologise. Ben used the Force to slam open the entrance doors as they ran in, to the gasps of those around them. Half-way down the hall to the control room, Chewbacca signalled for them both to come with him. As he took them through the bustling corridors, Ben realised, his heart deciding to relocate down to his groin, where they were going.

The infirmary.

With his usual bluntness, Chewie gave them the lowdown as to what had happened. Leia had been standing before the main console, conferring with Ackbar, when she had collapsed and was unconscious for a few minutes. When she came too, she was alert and orientated. Even so, she had been taken to the medical bay, for a check up.

Ben again used the Force to open the doors of the infirmary and, ignoring the startled questions of the workers, used his senses, to locate his mother, in the furthest cubicle, to the back. Leia, the sole patient of the room, was sitting up on the bed, her arm outstretched, with a worker taking blood form her. Various wires were poking out from under her sleeves and attached to machines, which beeped and whirred and flashed nonsensical lights and numbers that clearly made sense to the technician studying them and writing notes on a clipboard, but were utterly nonsensical to Ben.

“Mom…” Ben’s trembling legs were about to give out beneath him. He pulled the chair out from beside the bed and collapsed into it, grabbing her hand and pressing the softness against his cheek.

“It’s fine, Ben. I was simply feeling a little dizzy. Doctor’s think I was most probably just dehydrated. A little overworked.”

“It’s true, you always overdo it,” Ben snapped his neck up, moving the chair back a smidge, to signal his displeasure.

_First Poe leaves and now this. And mother… if something happened to mother…_

“They’re going to do a couple of tests, rule out a few things. So far, I’m turning out to be rather healthy, indeed.”

“Ben’s right,” Rey said, moving to kneel before her. Chewie growled and pushed a chair under her legs, forcing her back into it. “You do a wonderful job, here as our commander. But you tend to work very long hours. It would have an obvious effect on your body.”

“Honestly, I’ll be fine. It’s okay, Ben,” Leia said, combing her hands through his hair, in such a motherly fashion that Ben momentarily leant in, towards her, before violently, and deliberately, flinching away.

“It’s okay, Ben. I’ll be fine,” Leia said, pinioning him with her eyes, so similar to his.

*

“Honestly, Ben. I’ll be fine! The doctor’s said I’m just a bit overstressed, that’s all,” Leia said. Thankfully, she had stopped arguing and climbed under the covers.

Ben placed her night shoes by the side of her bed and gave her a patented Ben glare.

“They also said to take a few days’ rest. I know you. If you had your way, you’d be already back in the main operations room, and probably faint again within the hour. No, I’m going to take care of you. And you’re not leaving this room.”

“So, I’m your prisoner then, am I?” Leia appeared amused by the concept.

“Please, mother. Allow me to take care of you,” Ben said.

*

Although the rooms of the higher-ranking members of the Resistance (including Poe) included their own ensuite, the quarters of Leia, as General, also consisted of a minor lounge room and kitchenette, to the front. She kept all of these areas relatively tidy. Even so, as she rested, Ben thoroughly cleaned, dusted, polished, disinfected and even set up smell atomisers in the lounge room and kitchen. He wasn’t particularly enamored of them, but Poe was a fan and so he figured his mother would be pleased. After cooking her a hearty meal (which he was surprised he didn’t make a mess of) of smoked trout with vegetables, given begrudgingly by the main kitchen, Ben had taken it into her room. By this time, Leia was again sitting up in bed, a book of Endorian poetry, in her hand, that Poe would possibly give his left pinky for, to have in the rather well-stocked bookcase in their room.

“What are you doing in there? Sounds like you’re rearraigning the entire furniture,” Leia said, placing the book down on the nightstand.

“I made dinner for you,” Ben shrugged.

“You did?” Her face uplifted in a beautiful smile that nestled warmly into Ben’s own chest cavity. As with Poe, with just one gesture, she had the ability to glue the fractured pieces of his soul together, piece by little piece.

“Yes,” he settled the tray containing the plate of food and utensils onto her lap. “Nothing special, just smoked trout and vegetables.”

Leia reached up and gently touched his jaw. “Ben… my son…”

“Eat up,” Ben said, as one more fractured piece of his soul glued back together, at her touch.

“Where’s yours?” Leia asked, picking up the knife and fork.

“I’ll have mine later.”

The knife and fork went down onto the tray again.

“Ben…” Her tone was clear reprimand.

“I’m fine. Eat, please.”

“If you’re going to take care of me, you’re going to have to eat,” she grimaced.

“I will, I promise.”

“You’d better,” she said.

*

After she finished, Ben took the plate off her and washed the dishes before returning to the room. Leia had picked up the book again.

“I’ll be fine, now. Go back to your room.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Ben, that’s lovely. But honestly, I’m just going to read this and go back to bed.”

_Oh…_

Didn’t she want to spend some time with her son?

“Okay, I’ll… I’ll come back tomorrow,” Ben tried to ignore the acrid taste that now filled his mouth.

“Looking forward to it,” Leia said, at least sounding honest.

Ben awkwardly stood a moment but Leia continued to read, so he left, creeping out and sneaking the door closed behind him.

Half-way to his room, the three men stepped into the corridor before him, grinning at him in a way that tensed his muscles, clenched his fists.

“Traitor!” The one with the straggly blond hair spoke. ‘How do we know you didn’t do something to the General?”

Ben continued past them.

“Poe leaves and the next day, the General collapses. Quite a coincidence, right?” Another of the men spoke.

“Should have just taken him and stabbed his lightsaber straight through him, like he did Han Solo.”

I deserve this, Ben told himself. This is my penance.

“So, you go from being General Hux’s whore, to Poe’s whore,” the blond called out to him. “What next? Fuck mommy?”

The three men burst out laughing, as Ben’s hands shook, his face flushed. He turned back to them.

“What are you going to do? Use your powers on us?” The blond said. “Yeah, Kylo Ren hasn’t changed one bit. Go on, show us who you really are.”

With great effort, Ben turned back around and continued down the hall, his ears reddening, as the noise of their laughter pierced his eardrums.

It wasn’t until he reached the room and locked the door behind himself, that he allowed the tears, that had been building up behind his eyelids since being in the room with Leia, to spilled down his cheeks. Stepping over and sitting on the edge of the bed, he closed his eyes, giving in, to the urge to use the Force, to locate Poe.

_The massive bed with its red sheets, blankets and pillows, sits like a target behind the young man, who is a little too flat nosed to be truly pretty. His eyes, however are a startling azure._

_“So, what do you want to do?” The young man’s hand touches Poe’s chest. Poe takes a step back._

_“Talk. I need information…. About the First Order.”_

_The young man rolls his eyes. “No go, sorry. Last time one of you guys asked me-”_

_“I can pay more,” Poe reaches into his pocket and draws out more cash._

_The man’s face betrays a hungry expression. He frowns but takes the money out of Poe’s hands._

_“What do you want to know?”_

_“They were here a month ago? When did they leave?”_

_“About a week ago.”_

_“And they were taking children?”_

_“Taking?” The man’s brow furrows with incredulity. “These children willingly signed up. Or moreover, their parents willingly signed them up. You’ve got to understand. Here, now the mining colony has closed down, there’s nothing for us young people. Unless you love sex, like me. The First Order is seen as a step forward, a way to distinguish themselves.”_

_Frustration and fury floods Poe’s system but he manages to keep it under control._

_“Do you know where they were taking them?”_

_The man seems hesitant to talk. “Carelian 5. Apparently, that’s their new underground base.”_

_Relief now underlines Poe’s more negative emotions. “Thank you. That’s all I need to know.”_

_He goes to leave._

_“Hey! Look, you’re gorgeous. A lot better looking than the last Resistance member who fucked me. I’ll give you a freebie. Whatever you want.”_

_“I’ll pass, thanks,” Poe is bemused._

_The man’s eyes widen. “So, the rumours are true! They’re saying that after Kylo Ren switched sides… you were a factor.”_

_“Kylo Ren is dead,” Poe says, bluntly._

_“I know that’s not true. What does he look like, under the mask, I mean?”_

_An image comes to the forefront of Poe’s brain._

_A memory from a few weeks before. Poe enters their bedroom, to find Ben seated on the bed, cross-legged, book in hand. He looks up and favours Poe with a brilliant toothy smile. Once again, Ben experiences Poe’s desire for him, his intense love and need._

_“Thank you again.”_

_Poe opens the door and leaves the room._

Ben opened his eyes, biting his bottom lip, in a subconscious imitation of his lover. Finding Poe only served to increase his low disposition because it was a great reminder that the pilot was currently not with him. He jumped up and switched off the light, before carefully taking off his shoes, leaving them by the door and climbing into bed, without bothering to dress in his night gear, pulling Poe-scented blankets around himself.

_Poe…_

He closed his eyes, grabbing Poe’s pillow and holding the fabric to his nose.

Engine oil and sweat.

Rolling, he buried his face in the pillow. Maybe he could just relax his cognition, probe for Poe, once more…

No, he told himself it wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have even touched his mind those few times before. But, there was something addictive, about being there, with Poe, experiencing his emotions, in a way that he had never, before, not even when he had successfully violated his mind for information about the map to Luke.

It shouldn’t have been a real surprise. After all, Poe willingly gave his thoughts and emotions over to him, while making love. However, that Poe expressed such love and devotion towards him, even when they weren’t together, caused him to yearn to keep seeking into his cognition, even if Poe was unaware that he was probing there. Perhaps even because Poe was unaware that he was probing there.

_What you’re doing is wrong. You know this._

Taking a deep breath, Ben stumbled off the bed and put his shoes back on, before stepping out of the room, locking it, and continuing down the hall. He wasn’t sure where, exactly he was headed. Just anywhere to escape his constantly revolving thoughts. Ironic, really. Because no matter where he went, he would always be locked inside his gangly body, be responsive towards his fractured psyche.

Randomly taking corridors, towards no real destination, Ben tried to walk off his problems, becoming increasingly exasperated when his troubled thoughts continued to plague him. Luke could have helped him. But Luke was now gone, murdered by Snoke. The man who Kylo Ren-who Ben- had helped put in power, helped murder millions, no billions. The usual sharp guilt stabbed sharply at Ben’s chest and he placed his palm on the wall, steadying himself.

Desire rocked his body; overwhelming, so strong he instantly became erect. Confused, Ben tried to zero in on where it was coming from. He was trained enough to understand this wasn’t from his own brain. Locking in on the sexual exhilaration, he forced his powers towards the cause. The desire grew stronger. A hand was roughly stroking their own erection. An involuntary image barraged into Ben’s brain.

_A replica of himself lies naked and moaning, on his back, his head flung back, his legs tight around the lower back of the man brutally thrusting into his body, whose stringy blond hair sits in clumps on his shoulders._

_“Yes, yes more… so good…” His doubleganger says._

_“You love it, don’t you?” The blond man asks._

Ben pulled back, out of the man’s masturbatory fantasy, coughing a little, as gorge rose in his throat.

Just earlier, this man had called Ben Hux’s whore. Now, it appeared he was whoring Ben out, in a different way, in his fantasies.

Just, don’t even think about it, he told himself.

*

As soon as the sunlight hit his eyelids, dispersing his dream state, Ben opened his eyes and flung the blanket back, grabbing his shoes and shoving them on his feet.

Once outside his room, Ben went straight to his mother’s room. Upon arriving there, the open door was the first inconsistency he took note of. Frowning, he stepped inside.

“Mother?”

No response.

A couple of washed plates sat on the kitchen bench. Continuing further into the bedroom, he saw that the bed was made, but a quick glance around the room verified the missing Leia. Using the Force, he found her-

Biting back on rising irritation, he stomped out of Leia’s rooms, slamming the door behind him so hard the panel shook. With his quick pace, it didn’t take long at all to find her, right in the middle of the busy operations room, giving orders.

“Ah, Ben!” Leia came up and embraced him. “Thank you for yesterday. I feel so much better.”

Beside her, Chewbacca roared, while R2D2 stomped his feet up and down and made a whirring sound.

“I thought you were going to take some more time off!” Ben said.

“No need,” Leia said. “I’m fine. By the way, I have some good news for you. Poe and Finn are on their way back. You’ll be seeing them again very soon.”

She turned her back to him, as Jess stepped up.

“Yes, Jessica?”

The young woman shot Ben an apologetic glance.

“Yes, General. I have the statistic you asked for.”

“Yes, thank you,” Leia said.

Clenching his fists at being dismissed yet again, Ben deliberately slammed through the people in his way, as he stormed out of the room-

 Almost running straight into Rey.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, taking a step back.

“So, the General is back in the thick of the action, I see,” Rey said.

“Hm…” Ben’s brows furrowed.

“Come on, let’s go to the landing bay and wait for Poe and Finn,” Rey said, giving Ben’s upper arm a friendly pat. “They’re coming back any minute, now.”

Tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who are reading :)

The starship smoothly settled on the ground, with an elegance that distinguished Poe as the pilot. Finn, flashing his toothy grin, was the first to disembark, followed by Poe, with BB8 rolling alongside. Ben’s heart jumped up into his throat, as he observed his partner’s hair being tousled by the wind, his confident stride, his large brown eyes catching Ben’s own.

“Well, hello there!” Poe’s radiant smile caused Ben’s heart to leap even higher.

He crossed the distance on the tarmac between them and clasped Poe to him, indulging in the sensation of his hard muscles under soft flesh, his jet fuel and sweat scent, the slightly acrid taste of his mouth.

“I missed you too,” Poe laughed, as they released. Beside them, Finn and Rey were engaged in a jovial embrace.

“Aw, you guys!” Poe said and then hugged both of them, pulling them closer together. “Joining in on the group hug?” He glanced up to Ben, who shook his head.

Walking back to the base, Poe and Finn joked around with each other, swapping witticisms back and forth, with consummate ease. Rey fired her own quips, keeping up with the conversation. Ben was content just to listen, basking in Poe’s nearness.

“Well, I, for one couldn’t wait to get off that planet!” Finn said, as they reached the entrance to the base. There were different guards on, that day. The one on the left yawned, not bothering to hide her boredom. The one on the right shot her a disgusted glance. During his tenure in the First Order, Kylo would have been furious at what he would have seen as their disrespect towards the uniform. Now, he was relieved to not sense any loathing, from their direction.

“You loved it, admit it!” Poe said, as all four stepped inside.

“Loved what? The sleazy inhabitants? The dust that covered everything? At one point, I had a sneeze attack that lasted ten minutes!” Finn replied.

As soon as they reached the operations centre, Poe instantly switched, from laconic, to professional. It was subtle, but, to Ben, it was clear in his elongated stance, his tight jaw. Standing to the back of the crowded room by the door, with Rey, as Poe and Finn delivered their information to Leia, Ben could feel the thoughts of the ones darting glances in his direction encroaching around the edges of his mind. He concentrated on pushing them back out.

“You have done well,” Leia informed them. “I give you permission to take the rest of the day off.”

“As you wish, General,” Poe said.

As he left the room, with Finn, he signalled for Ben to come with him.

“Alright, time for a very intense alcoholic beverage,” Finn said. “Rey, care to join me?”

“For the company but not the alcohol,” Rey said.

“The Riordin Cantina?” Poe asked.

“The _only_ cantina,” Finn replied.

“Give us a couple of hours,” Poe said.

Finn glanced at Ben and shook his head.

“You two…Alright just… have fun but I really don’t want to know the details, okay?”

“See you soon,” Poe said.

“Okay, with us BB8,” Rey called out to the droid, who rolled a little towards Poe, as though indecisive, before following Rey.

Poe waited until they went around the corner, and then backed Ben up against the nearby wall.  Instantly, the negative vibes of those passing, like needles in his brain, unfairly distracted him from the pilot’s lips on his own.

“What’s wrong?” Poe asked, drawing back and scrutinising Ben's face. “We’ll go back to the room and you can answer, alright?”

Walking the thankfully short distance to their room, Ben focused on blocking out the thoughts of the others around him. Once inside, Poe closed and locked the door, as Ben sat on the edge of the bed.

“Mother… collapsed yesterday. She’s alright. Medically, she’s apparently very healthy. Doctor said she is a little burnt out, to rest up a few days. I took care of her last night. Cleaned for her, made her food. The next day… well, you saw her…”

Poe sat next to him and took his hand. “Poor Ben… I’m so sorry…”

“There’s more…” Ben didn’t want to tell him, to risk his wrath. But, a long time before, he had vowed never to lie to Poe and so wasn’t going to start now. “I missed you… I just wanted to… to feel you. So, I searched and I found… You were flying. I experienced your excitement…Later, I searched for you again. I found your mind… I saw you, in the streets, taking to a pimp. And then later, I experienced you talking to the prostitute, gaining information from him…”

Poe let go of his hand, his expression darkening.

“I just…Without you here I could sense their… so many of them don’t like me- it’s understandable, I know I have a lot to make up for- but… I just missed you. Wanted to feel reassured,” Ben stumbled through his words, a knot forming in his stomach at the increasingly sour expression downturning Poe’s lips.

For a long moment, Poe didn’t speak. Ben twisted the blankets beside him beneath his fingers.

“Ben…look, I trust you and I know you trust me-“

“Certainly! I-“

“Just let me finish,” Poe placed up a hand, to stop him talking. “The first time we met was when you forced your way into my mind, in effect violated it. I know at times you can’t help but pick up on people’s thoughts. And, obviously I enjoy us sharing minds when we make love. But you can’t… you can’t just go into my mind when I’m unprepared. You know that’s not right.”

Ben nodded, tears stinging the corners of his eyelids.

“Alright, so how about in the future, we’ll figure out something beforehand? Maybe a specific time, when I’m away, that you’re allowed to penetrate my mind?”

Ben nodded again, the tears now sliding down his cheeks.

“I just missed you,” Ben was aware of his simpering tone.

“I know… It’s okay…You’re only…an extremely powerful Jedi…” Poe kissed his lips and their tongues tenderly explored each others' mouths, before Poe gently pushed Ben back onto the bed, his strong and capable hands delighting in Ben's body; pulling up his green resistance t-shirt and groping at the heated flesh beneath. He then moved down further, unzipping his trousers and reaching inside. Ben gasped, opening his mind, as Poe stroked the now rigid flesh, propelling his mental images and emotions forward, allowing Poe to experience his euphoria, to read his own thoughts.

_Yes, Poe, touch me there. Stroke me-_

A brief, unwelcome image flashed through his mind; the blond man, stroking his own erection.

Poe froze, and pulled his hand out, sitting up to give Ben his full attention, a mixture of surprise and hurt now intermingling with the lust crashing into Ben’s already overstimulated being, from his lover.

“What was that?”

“I… there are a few resistance members who like to… berate me, remind me of my past. One of them… I couldn’t sleep last night. I wanted to… find your mind again. But I resisted. I started to walk and I passed the room of one of… actually it was my main bully. He was…I couldn’t help it. I picked up on his mind. He was… masturbating and he was fantasising about me.”

Poe burst out laughing, the hurt thankfully dissolving from being projected from his consciousness. “Of course, he was… of course… I’m sorry you had to see that. So, he was making you cheat on me, in his mind?”

“I felt disgusted!”

“Mm…” Poe nuzzled his neck, his hands in his pants, once more. “Can’t blame the guy…”

"Poe..." Ben ran his hands through Poe’s soft curls, as the pilot pulled down his trousers and underwear, kissing down the snailtrail of hair on his stomach. "Oh yes…” He gripped his hair tighter, as Poe took him in his mouth, then down deep to his throat. Ben moaned, opening his mind further, sharing the thrill that enveloped his entire body, as Poe’s head voraciously bobbed up and down.

_You’re so good at this…_

 Ben fumbled on top of the bedside drawer for the lube and handing it to Poe, who took the lid off, dipped his fingers into the jar and slowly slipped first one finger, followed by two then three inside him. “Oh yes!” The moans turned to groans, as Poe slam his fingers up against that sweet spot, causing him to violently shake with passion. The combination of Poe's warm wet mouth with his fingers swiftly became overwhelming and he cried out, allowing Poe to share in his ecstasy, as he climaxed, shoot his come into his partner’s mouth. Moaning as he came down, he allowed Poe to spread his legs, to eagerly enter him, crying out himself as he roughly thrust. Ben kissed his stubbled neck, urging him along, as he slammed even harder within him. Within less than a minute, Poe groaned and the warmth of his come exploded inside Ben, before he collapsed on top of him.

“Well, that was nice,” Poe said, sliding himself out of him. “Bit quick. We’ll have to go again, slower next time.”

A fundamental part of their relationship, it seemed, was the sex, moreover, the sharing of emotions and thoughts, throughout the act. Ben was more than aware of Poe’s highly sexual past, with Poe not wishing to divulge how many partners he’d had, but alluding to them being in the dozens, if not hundreds. Although Poe always assured him he was all he wanted, Ben, who had only ever had one other partner- Hux- occasionally wondered if he was a bit inadequate, as a result.

“I could just stay here forever,” Poe said. “However…” He kissed Ben’s lips and stood, his naked body insultingly beautiful, as he stretched.

_What if I couldn’t give him such heights of sexual ecstasy? Would he still want me?_

“I’m going to have a shower,” Ben said. It occurred to him that switching sides had, ironically, made his life all the more complex. In the First Order there was order; he always knew where to go and what to do. Even sex with Hux was performed to military precision. He had no friends but didn’t need them. Now, he also didn’t have any friends. Rey, of course, liked him. But she also shared a sense of distance, from those around her, including him. Finn seemed to care but it wasn’t as though he ever grabbed a drink with the ex-stormtrooper separate from Poe. Even his mother was distancing herself from him, for unfathomable reasons.

“I should join you,” Poe smirked.

Ben ignored him, swinging his legs off the bed and striding towards the ensuite.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

Ben stopped walking, and took a deep breath.

“We have a lot of sex. And I open up my mind, so you can experience what I’m feeling. What if I could no longer do that? Would you still want me?”

Poe stiffened. “Go take your shower.”

‘You didn’t answer my question!” Ben insisted.

“No, because I know what you’re doing. You were in the wrong by reading my mind without my permission and now you’re somehow trying to make it my fault!”

“Because I missed you!” Ben said. “But you don’t care about that. As long as I can give you great sex-“

“Which you enthusiastically consent to! Look, Ben,” he rubbed his temples. “I’m not in the mood for this right now. I just want to have a drink with Finn and Rey.”

“If I wasn’t… If I didn’t have that ability I would just be Ben Solo. Turncoat who everyone despises, who has no friends, who not even his mother wants nothing to do with. Even _you_ would despise me.”

Poe’s mouth gaped, brows furrowing, eyes flashing with fury, rather than the compassion that Ben was hoping for.

“Is that what you truly think of me? Do you even realise how _insulting_ that is, to hear? I know how the others see you. Believe me, I hear it every day. All the time. Why is Poe with him? I’m sick of defending you! But I do, because you’re my Ben!”

_His Ben. His._

A chill stiffened Ben's lanky frame.

“I don’t belong to you, Poe. I belong to no one!”

“No, wait, that didn’t come out the way that it sounded in my head-“

“No one wants me here!” Ben shouted, curling his hands into fists and digging his fingernails into his palms. “No matter what I do, how I try to show that I’m not him, they just see Kylo Ren. I know I deserve it. But sometimes…sometimes I just get so tired…Why won’t mother talk to me? Why won’t she accept my help?”

Something softened, in Poe’s handsome features. He stepped closer and cupped Ben’s chin in his hands.

“If we couldn’t have sex … I’m not going to deny it wouldn’t be disappointing, but it wouldn’t mean I wouldn’t want to be with you. And not everyone hates you. Some like you. Finn. Rey. Chewie. Jess. R2D2. BB8. Some of the more vocal ones yes… But most… they’re starting to come around. And I’ll continue to defend you from those ones. Because I love you, okay?”

The words always came out of Poe’s mouth so naturally.

 “As for the General, well I suspect this is more about her particular brand of stubbornness, than yourself. She never gave up on you. Even after…I don’t think you quite realise how thrilled she was, when you came back to us. To her.”

Ben nodded.

“Hey…” Poe gently kissed him. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Ben grabbed his hands and held them. “I’m sorry I read your mind without your permission.”

“Apology accepted. Like I said, in the future, we’ll come up with a time when I’m away when you can mentally find me, if you want, okay?”

“Okay,” Ben bit his upper lip.

“It’ll be okay. It will all be okay.”

When Poe said such words, with such adoration lighting up his lovely face, Ben could believe it.

*

The tavern, just outside the reaches of the Kongarn Forest, was a scummy, dingy place, that bore just the right level of glaring colours and dusty tabletops to potentially be a welcome attraction to Resistance members, but also resided just far enough away to be a detraction. As a result, when they came in through the front door, there were only a respectable amount of bodies inside, with a few already waving at Poe, including Finn, seated with Rey in a vividly orange booth, to the back. Every time he stepped into this particular venue, Ben always visualised Hux, with his neatly pressed clothes and ironed underwear, looking around and sneering at the tacky décor. At times like that, he almost missed the now deceased unhinged general.

As they made their way through the crowd, Poe stopped every so often to briefly chat with his fellow pilots and resistance members, while Ben stood silent beside him, only adding to the conversation when absolutely necessary. Even on the way there, this had been a constant. With great concentration, he had managed to calm himself enough to switch off the constant, it seemed, of late, deluge of others’ thoughts in his head.

But for one exception.

As they had exited the base, Jess had briefly stopped Poe to express her gratitude for his return. She had then turned to Ben and expressed her relief that the General was fine. A brief thought flashed through his mind, from hers.

_Poor Ben looks exhausted. This must have been a strenuous couple of days._

It had taken all of his attentiveness not to blurt out in the affirmative, but held back, lest Poe be offended that he had picked up on his friend’s thought.

Now, reaching the booth to the back, Finn instantly stood.

“Alright, now I really need to urinate!”

“Yes, thank you for that precise information. Be sure to tell us the exact quantity of your urine when you come back,” Ben said, dryly.

Poe laughed, as Finn shook his head and stuck out his tongue, at Ben.

“Well, I’ll make a diversion to the bar,” Poe said. “Want anything, Rey?”

As Ben ensconced himself beside her, she shook her head.

“Alright, be back soon.”

Ben frowned, watching Poe walked off. Instantly, a few of the other Resistance members patted him on the back, in a good-natured way. Occasionally, in celebratory times as this, Poe would ask his pilot friends to join them. Ben didn’t quite gel with the rowdy group and would simply sit silently, waiting for the appropriate time to leave without seeming rude.

BB8 rolled over and affectionately gave him a little nudge in the leg, shaking him, from his thoughts. He reached down and patted the droid on the top of the head.

“I have some good news,” Rey said, focusing his attention on her. “The General came to talk to me. She wishes to excel me through the pilot training.”

“That’s fantastic, Rey!” Ben said. “You barely even need training. You could be even better than Poe!”

“Let’s not be too rash, on this,” Rey said, grinning. “I’ll be working under Jess. General Organa says I don’t need much training at all, just more practice on some of the more complicated vessels.”

“You’ll certainly show up Finn,” Ben joked, watching said man step out of the men’s room and heading to the crowded bar, where Poe stood, trying to signal the barman.

“Poor Finn. Flying just isn’t his forte, is it?” Rey grinned good naturedly.

“Well, I was never exactly the best pilot,” Ben admitted, as, before them, Finn joined Poe at the bar and engaged him in conversation.

“All okay?” Rey asked.

Ben considered whether to tell her. “Poe wasn’t happy to learn I brushed upon his mind, when he was away. I missed him. I just wanted to feel him, nothing more.”

Rey’s brown eyes skittered over to Poe and Finn. 

“He saw it as in invasion, because he wasn’t aware of it. We’re okay. We sorted it out,” he added.

“It’s been a tough few days for you,” Rey said.

“It has. I bet they’re talking about me.”

“Not everything is about you,” Rey teased.

“You’re right. But they’re still taking about me.”

Poe and Finn made their way over to the booth, with drinks in each of their hands. Once they reached the table, Finn slammed a cup of dark liquid in front of Rey and another in front of himself, before sliding in beside her. Poe placed what Ben knew to be non-alcoholic juice in front of himself, before setting the non-alcoholic soda down on the table to the left, and moving beside Ben, rubbing a hand on his thigh under the table.

“What did you get me?” Ben asked, picking up the drink.

“Quint berry juice for you. I thought I’d try that new bubblezap.”

“Well, we’re onto our third beers,” Finn sounded proud of that fact, as he lifted his glass and took a gulp.

As it became clear Poe wasn’t going to invite any of his other friends to the table, Ben began to relax, allowing the other three to mainly talk and jest, only occasionally adding his own weight to the conversation.

After the drinks were finished, Finn offered to go to the bar to replenish and Rey offered to join him. As they moved away, Poe ran his hand up Ben’s thigh, nuzzling his neck, before pulling away.

“You know Ben, sometimes I forget how incredible you are,” Poe said, taking his hand. “The others, they don’t know, which makes me worse, in a way, because I _do_ know, what you’ve suffered, to be where you are today.” With his free hand, he reached up, to comb his fingers through Ben’s thick locks. “To come back to the light, to experience the weight of all that Kylo Ren did, the torture and death of millions, billions even. I saw the excruciation you went through, in fully understanding what you did, in coming to terms with your remorse.”

Kylo found himself lost in Poe’s dark irises.

“He did terrible things.”

“He did. And you accepted it, took it on. I couldn’t do that. I’m too much of a coward-“

“No-“

“The men I killed, from the First Order. Those stormtroopers had no choice. Kidnapped as children. How many of them were like Finn? No, I don’t want to look at the morals of whether I’m right or wrong. Don’t want to face up to the fact I may actually be a murderer. You saw yourself, stripped bare, as you are. And that takes such courage. So, all of these people who berate you. They don’t know you. And more the shame for them.”

Poe captured Ben's lips with his, gently entangling their tongues together. Pulling away, Poe gently squeezed his hand.

“You face up to your failings. That’s a rare gift.”

“I will never go back there. Never. I’ve already lost so much…” Han’s soft touch on his cheek, in death, flashed through his mind.

“I know,” Poe brought the hand to his lips and kissed it.

“Can you two quit for five seconds?” Finn’s voice interrupted their intimacy.  He stood by the table, with two drinks in his hands.

“I think it’s cute!” Rey slipped in beside Ben and slid a glass across to Poe, before placing the second drink before her cousin.

Poe simply grinned and kissed up Ben’s wrist. Finn mock rolled his eyes and sat in the seat opposite them, setting down the glasses of alcohol in his hands before himself and Rey. Behind him, a few of the other patrons of the bar openly stared at them. Ben squeezed Poe’s hand harder, telling himself to not reach out for the minds of the gawkers, to determine their reasons.

“He’s looking at Ben almost as though he’s the new Speedster Mark 1500,” Finn said.

“Finn, that’s old-school by now, don’t you know? Ben’s the Speedster Mark 1550.”

“The turning on that monster is ridiculous! If you want a smooth ride, you go with a Rev Mark 2000. Now that’s a powerful machine!” Rey said.

Ben allowed the conversation to fade in the background, as his attention once more drifted around the room. Most of the other inhabitants were involved in rowdy conversation. In the far left corner, two resistance folks were involved in far more than conversation, going by their hands and intertwined legs. The ones behind Finn were again glancing at their table.

_They are talking about you and Poe, well… Poe._

Rey’s voice came into his head. He swivelled around to face her. She was half-smirking.

_You might not be allowed to read their minds but that doesn’t mean I can’t._

Ben deliberated a moment and directed the thought at her.

_So, what are they talking about?_

_They’re calling you two a supercouple and that they’ve never seen Poe so madly in love before._

“They’re doing it,” Finn said. “They’re doing the strange mind-read thing with each other.”

“What secrets are you saying to each other?” Poe asked.

“Grey Jedi business,” Rey joked.

*

“Sometimes, I think…” Poe began, as he walked, with Ben, back to their room, through the corridors of the base. “What would happen if we just left this life? Just went away, became a moisture farmer like say your Uncle, when he was younger.”

“You would never do that. You love what you do too much,” Ben said. “Piloting is your greatest passion. You get a thrill from the constant danger and attention.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing,” Poe said.

“No, the opposite. I love that you love what you do. The way you talk about piloting gets me excited about piloting. And that is something because I hate piloting. You love this life in the resistance.”

“I love you more,” Poe said, with a slight melancholy tinge to his tone.

They had reached their bedroom. Ben opened the door and allowed Poe to walk behind them, before closing and locking the frame behind them.

“Are you happy here, Ben?” Poe asked.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Ben said.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Right now, yes. Very much so,” Ben said, wrapping his arms around Poe’s waist and pulling their bodies together.

“If leaving this place would help you…”

“No, it would make me worse. It’s important for me to stay here, to work through my penance for what Kylo Ren did. And for you to stay here too. Leaving here wouldn’t make you happy. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I’m very adaptable,” Poe said.

Both Ben and Poe’s favourite poet was the long exiled Tonila Sey of the Cascadian system. Books of her poetry sat on bookshelves merely a metre to their left. Ben searched his mind for the lines, from his favourite piece ‘Del’ Ama’, which succinctly summed up all that Poe was, to him.

“Shira conciva lars, ta tonda prele.” _The darkness fled, to his flame I surrendered._

“Maybe we could go find her-“

Ben cut him off with a passionate kiss to his mouth. Poe responded by moaning with him.

“Don’t use your powers this time,” Poe said, moving to the bed.  Both took off articles of clothing piece by piece, as they kissed and stroked the flesh that appeared. “Let’s just use our senses.”

Ben deliberately focused not on Poe’s mind, but on the beautiful body before him, on the taste of his mouth, the warmth of his skin, his moans, his large brown eyes and crooked grin, his jet fuel and sweat smell. He gripped Poe’s hips, as the pilot lowered down onto his erection, so tight, sending sparks of heat and passion, throughout his system. They moved together, Poe’s tongue dancing with his, in time with their undulating bodies. As their orgasm hit, in unison, he unwillingly caught just a snippet of Poe’s thought.

_…my love…_

And then it was gone. They collapsed down together, languid, content.

“You know, for an ex Dark Lord wannabie, you’re so obviously a diplomat’s son, Mr. I Have Detailed Knowledge of High Class Poetry, Who Also Knows Ten Different Languages.”

“Comes in handy when I want to seduce handsome Resistance pilots, who also have a fair knowledge of snobbish things.”

“Hm… tell me some more poetry.”

“You want a bedside story?” Ben teased.

Poe rested his head on Ben’s chest, pulling the blanket over them, as Ben tenderly ran his hand through his hair.

“I just like hearing you talk. Glad you ditched the helmet, with that terrible mechanised voice. Also hiding your lovely face,” Poe said, placing his head on his chest, his brown eyes tilted up to him. “It’s good to be back.”

Tbc…


	3. Chapter 3

_A deluge of billions of souls screaming in panicked horror tore through him, as they were powerless to cease the fiery death rushing towards them -_

Ben jolted, eyelids flicking open, his heart slamming too hard against his ribcage, which heaved, up and down, in too dramatic a fashion. In the night, Poe had moved off him, but their legs were still tangled together, the pilot’s head now nestled more comfortably against Ben’s side, arm draped around his waist.

_Please forgive me._

He wasn’t certain who the thought was projected out to. Everyone. And no one.

Ben closed his eyes, focusing on slowing down his breathing, tempering his heartrate. He placed his hand over the top of Poe’s, and for a moment, a whisper of a dream passed through his mind.

_Poe stands at the apex of a snowy mountain, arms raised, head tilted back, to allow the sun’s warmth to caress his flesh._

Ben snatched his hand away, not wishing to further intrude upon Poe’s slumbering state.

_“Ben...”_

The voice caused him to flinch. Frowning, he attempted to narrow down on the source, searching his mind through the corridors of the base. Familiar lust rocked through him, as he came closer to the origin. A hand was stroking their own erection, their desires easily read.

_The moaning Doppelganger Ben lies on his back, on a white sheeted bed, legs wide, as the familiar blond man rocks roughly in and out of him._

_“You love this, don’t you?”_

_“Yes, give me more…give me…let me, let me use my mouth…” Doppelganger Ben pleads._

_The bully pulls out and  sits up. Doppelganger Ben crawls up his thin frame, to take his rather thick erection in his mouth._

_Oh, not this again!_

Still, as disturbing as it was, there was something fascinating about the bully’s sexual fantasy. Why him? Was it a form of degradation, to fantasise about him begging for sex?

_“You want me to fuck you some more?” The blond man asks, as Doppelganger Ben’s head bobs up and down on his erection._

_“Yes, please…” Doppelganger Ben lies back down on his back and spreads his legs, crying out, as the man thrusts inside him again._

_Footsteps sound and Poe’s head pokes into the room, appearing shocked and hurt, at the scene before him._

_“He doesn’t love you any more, Poe,” the man says._

_With tears streaming, Poe runs from the doorway-_

Shaking his head, Ben forced himself away from the man’s mind, bringing himself back to the room, before pulling Poe further up against his torso and stroking his soft curls, allowing the pilot’s calm breaths to ease his troubled mind.

*

The pall of slumber lifted off him in gradual increments. Ben murmured and reached out to reassure Poe’s warm and soft flesh beside him. Grasping cold sheets, Ben opened his eyelids, to an empty bed beside him. Frowning, he sat up and visually searched the room. Poe was nowhere to be seen, not even in the bathroom, where the open doorway confirmed his absence. This was the first time, since they had started living together (apart from those two days away from each other) that he had awoken to an empty bed. Ben went through the events of the day before, in his mind, trying to determine what he’d done wrong.

Because that had to be the answer, right?

Awakening to an empty room, the morning after he admitted he’d essentially violated Poe’s mind, was too much of a coincide.

_He’ll come back and tell you to leave._

_No, ridiculous. There could be a thousand reasons why he’s not in the room. Maybe he was called out, by Mother, or something else has-_

The lock jiggled in the bedroom door and Ben exhaled, placing his hand over his jittering abdominal muscles. As the door then opened, to a grinning Poe stepping in, and coming straight over to him, Ben’s tension soothed.

“I thought you’d still be asleep,” Poe said, ruffling his hair. “I’ve got some good news. But first, you’d better get up and get dressed. Your mother is waiting outside.”

“My mother? Why?”

“Because she wants to talk to you,” Poe said, walking to the chest of drawers and pulling out a green resistance shirt and trousers, as well as underwear.

“Am I in trouble?”

“Of course not! Here you go. Get dressed.” Poe piled the clothes on top of him.

“What’s the good news?” Ben asked, pulling on his clothes. Poe came over to help, shoving the shirt over his head before kissing him on the mouth in a very gratifying way.

“The General has allowed me some time off. Three days. I plan to spend at least one of them off this planet. You can decide where you want to go, okay?”

The turnaround, from being inwardly convinced that Poe was somehow determined to be rid of him, to Poe stating he was going to spend more time with him, was enough to momentarily obliterate his revolving despaired thoughts.

“You alright?” Poe asked. “Hey,” he uptilted his chin. “It will all be alright, okay?”

Ben nodded, deliberately arranging his shocked expression to one of good cheer. Appearing contented, Poe released his hold and crossed the room to the door.

“I love you,” Ben hated the need in his tone.

Poe swivelled back to face him. “I know, beautiful. And I don’t need to remind you how crazy I am about you.”

Ben allowed a relieved smile to uplift his lips, as Ben opened the door and Leia came in. “Thank you, Poe.”

Poe nodded and stepped out of the room, locking the door behind himself. Ben stood, keenly aware that he hadn’t washed his body or the bed. The scent of his and Poe’s lovemaking the night before was very obvious.

“It’s okay, Ben, no need to look like you're about to be sent to your death. I just want to talk,” Leia said.

She moved over towards the bed. Flushing, Ben instead walked over to the perpendicular desk, pulling out the desk chair and wheeling it to sit opposite the armchair, which was closer to the front of the room. Getting the hint, Leia came over and reclined in the armchair, as Ben sat in the desk chair opposite.

“Ben,” Leia leant forward, clasping her hands on top of her thighs. “Poe came to me this morning, requesting a few days off from his piloting duties. He wants to spend some time with you, is worried about you. How are you? How are you fitting in?”

Ben wasn’t sure even how to begin to answer.

“A lot of the others still don’t trust me. I can’t blame them for it. Sometimes I can read their minds, without meaning to. They call me traitor. Even involve Poe. They can’t understand why he’s with me.”

“Ben do you… when you first came here, your despondency led you to…” The words were obviously painful for her to say. “To want to take your own life.”

Ben swallowed, pushing down a retort that he certainly remembered the most painful moment of his life, when his anguish had led him to attempt an act that would take him away from Poe and her; an act that, at the time, he had told himself he needed to do, to protect them from his shame.

“No, I wouldn’t do that. Not now.”

Leia rubbed her eyes. “This is my fault. I’ve been so caught up in my work… yet again.”

“I can be of use,” Ben said. “Remember that one time, when you let me go on a mission with Poe and Finn and Chewie? It was successful.”

“You almost died,” Leia said.

“I want to help,” Ben insisted. “Rey’s now in the training programme. If they see me also working they’ll understand I’m not…” A new, more insidious motivation for Leia’s actions wormed its way into his conscious. “I’m not. I swear. I will never go back to where I was before. Kylo Ren is dead. Is that it? You fear I still have darkness… I could be tempted?” He clutched at his sudden painfully cramping stomach.

“No! Of course not, Ben!” Leia grasped his arm, gently rubbing up and down. “It’s more… I have my son back. I don’t want to lose you again. If you stay here, and don’t get involved too much you’ll stay safe. But I’m now realising it’s having the _opposite_ effect on you. it’s separating you from the others. I’m sorry I can’t be the mother you deserve. But I’ll try harder, okay?”

The mother who he deserved. What did that even mean? What level of motherly love was a former patricidal dark Force user worthy of?

“Come here, my beautiful boy,” Leia said and Ben allowed her to embrace him, placing his head in his hands and allowing sobs to wrack his slender frame, as she soothed her hand down his back. As the tears tapered down, he felt cleaner, somehow.

“I’ll try harder to include you,” Leia repeated, releasing him from her grasp. “And I’ll deliberately take time out to spend with you. Even if it’s just one hour a day. We’ll work out a time and that will be our time. just me and you. If you can’t make it, for whatever reason, that’s fine. What do you say?”

“Okay,” Ben said, staring down at his intertwined fingers, to avoid looking into her eyes, to be aware of any lie marring her face.

“Okay, how about we make it three in the afternoon? One hour, every day. I’ll meet you here. Whatever either of us is doing. We take the time out.”

Ben was extremely dubious that Leia would abide by her own idea, but agreed anyway.

“I think, with the others…You need to tell them, Ben. We could organise a meeting. And you tell them of your remorse, and your need to make up for what Kylo Ren did. If they heard it, from your own mouth. Some would still disbelieve you. That’s their choice. But I think a lot wouldn’t. It’s an idea, anyway. Think it over.”

“I’ll consider it,” Ben said.

Leia stood. “Okay, I need to go. How about we meet at three tomorrow? Is that good for you?”

Ben recalled Poe’s desire to leave the planet, in their time off, but felt a greater urge to spend some time with his mother.

“That’s good for me.”

“Okay,” Leia briefly clasped his arm. “See you then.”

They walked to the door together and Ben opened it. Her and Poe tag teamed each other, as she stepped out and Poe stepped in.

“All good?” Poe asked.

“I think so,” Ben answered. “She wants me to spend some time with her. An hour every day. Starting with tomorrow.”

“That sounds good. Give you guys bonding time. So…” Poe’s grin turned salacious. “What do you want to do? We have three days together.”

“Whatever you want to do,” Ben admitted.

“Hm… I do have an idea…” Poe said, trailing his hand through Ben’s hair. “How about you go have a shower? Then, let’s go for a ride in my X-Wing.”

“Sounds intriguing…” Ben pulled his shirt up over his head. “Would you like to join me?”

“Okay… if I must…”

*

The starship glided through the blackened and empty night sky, with an ease that only Poe could achieve.

“You can just put the autopilot on,” Ben reached his leg across, from the seat next to him, and playfully poked him in the side, with his foot.

“How about you have a go? I’ll teach you some of the tricks of great piloting,” Poe said. “See that asteroid?” He pointed through the front screen, to a bright glow flicking across the sky. “Let’s see how close we can get to it.” He abruptly changed course, tilting the craft at a forty-five degree angle, before straightening again.

“How about not?” Ben focused his will, using the Force to slam Poe’s arms down and freeze them to his side. Satisfied that the pilot couldn’t move, he used the Force to flick on the autopilot and climbed into Poe’s lap, relishing in the pilot’s hardness pressing into the back of his thigh. “Hm… now what’s this?” He deliberately rubbed himself on the erection, as he released Poe’s hands.

“I like it when you use the Force like that…”

“Really?”

“Hm…First time I saw you, when you stopped my blaster shot with your mind… that was terrifying. But also, kind of amazing.”

Ben laughed. “Glad I could impress you.”

“You’re _always_ impressive.”

Ben cupped his perfectly formed jaw in his hands and leant forward, for a replenishing kiss.

*

Their feet clicked along the rough mosaic floor, as they moved on to the next sculpture. This one detailed the muscular beauty of the human male body. The naked figure’s legs were bent, with one raised up, mid-stride. His arms were upraised, with a long, intricately patterned staff clasped in the meticulously detailed hands pointed up and towards the viewer, his clay visage set in a ferocious scowl, curly hair swept back and tied behind his neck.

The planet Hoq was famous for its immense wealth of art from around the galaxy. As it didn’t align itself with the Republic, sighting neutrality from both the Republic and the First Order, it was not designated for destruction, and thus the most priceless of collections survived the Order’s onslaught. Having spent most of the day perusing the fine art and sculptures with Poe, Ben was grateful for such a small courtesy, from his former alliance.

“Looks like you,” Ben jested, gently nudging Poe’s shoulder with his own.

“I always thought us pilots were missing the au natural charge into battle with spears approach,” Poe said.

“It would certainly distract the enemy.”

“For about five seconds before they mowed us down with gunfire.”

They strolled to the next sculpture, which was less impressive and comprised of a small stool, with three legs.

“Hm…” Poe’s habit of biting his bottom lip always created a positive reaction in Ben. Unable to resist, he came behind him and pressed his body up against his back, rubbing his face in his soft hair. “Do you know what beautifully rendered item should be in this art gallery?”

“I know what you’re going to say,” Ben said.

Poe tiled his head towards him, a slight dreamy smile about his lips, as he reached backwards and lightly grasped the hilt of Ben's lightsaber, tucked into his belt.

“You like to make fun of-“

“I’m not making fun! I love it that you designed this-“

“Crooked-“

“Unique,” Poe insisted. “Like its owner.”

*

A good kilometre walk from the front of the gallery, through a windy path of dense scrub, sat a craggy beach of blue sand. The howling wind smashed metre high waves against the rugged shoreline, and tore through the clothes of any visitors, to lay icy fingers through their unsuspecting bodies. Poe and Ben were adept at surviving harsh conditions. Even so, upon sitting on the sandy shore, Ben shook so hard his muscles ached, his chattering teeth about to grind themselves to the gum. Poe’s body against his wasn’t enough to warm his interior, now so cold, yet conversely burning.

“I used to love going to the beach as a child,” Poe mused, before edging forward and digging into the sand. “I haven’t done this in so long…”

“Done what?” Ben asked.

“Sand castle,” Poe piled the stand on top of itself, creating a rough triangular shape.

“Hm… I’ll show you how I’d make mine.” Ben focused his powers and pointed his finger at the sand, moving a little towards him, before concentrating with his mind and gently curling his fingers in, allowing the sand to be moulded, to take definitive shape, with lines, and simple shapes; circles, rectangles, and then ridges, before building upwards, growing larger, with more three-dimensional shapes, simple at first; cubes, cylinders, cones and spheres forming the crude outline of walls and towers.

“Oh…oh wow…” Poe said.

Ben smiled, an exhilaration growing in his stomach, as he melded the shapes together, to make the castle more definitive, designing crooked little turrets on top of the towers. Even though the entire ‘castle’ was decidedly misshapen, there was something magical in using his mind and imagination, to mould reality. He had experienced the same sensation when he had made his lightsaber, when he had created the Kylo Ren mask. Even though they were pale imitations of true aesthetic genius, he had had been proud of them, even in their flaws.

The basic castle complete, he added definition, drawing lines on the walls, to create the brick he imagined would be the framework, crumpling some of the towers, to add a sense of age.

Finally satisfied, he sat back to view his masterwork. The castle was still clearly wonky. Certainly, he would never display it in the gallery only a kilometre away. But there was something in creating that alit his soul, in a way that had not happened, in a long time.

“Well, my piddly sandcastle looks pretty pathetic, now,” Poe said.

“I’m sorry,” Ben said. Only Poe didn’t appear the least upset. Instead, every one of his even white teeth appeared, in his smile.

“Enjoying yourself, were we?” Poe asked.

Ben shrugged and both laughed.

*

Ben marked his finger on the menu and gestured to the waiter.

“We’ll have the Monte Blasca red,” Poe said, handing the menu back.

“Very good choice, sir,” The waiter’s smile was dripping with insincerity and his eyes once again ran up and down Poe’s frame. Although Ben was used to his beautiful partner being openly ogled, this time, he had to resist the inexplicable urge to tear out the man’s somewhat starry blue eyes.

“The charcoal grilled dewback with king brown mushrooms would go perfect with the wine, I think Poe.”

“Okay, two of them then.”

As Ben and Poe handed the waiter their menus, Ben couldn’t help but force a thought into the waiter’s mind.

_Yes, he is incredibly gorgeous, isn’t he?_

The waiter jumped, as though startled, staring at Ben with wide eyes, before scuttling off.

“Do you realise this is the first time we’ve actually been able to go out to dinner together?” Poe asked.

The natural beauty of his delicate features and large brown eyes increased in the glow of the candle placed in the centre of the table, between them. To Ben, any of the priceless artwork they had been perusing that afternoon, could not replicate the perfection of one of Poe’s perfectly formed fingers, or those pink, kissable lips. Beyond his physicality, no art, or novel, or even poetry from their favourite, could surpass the beauty of Poe’s wit, or bravery, or quick laughter.

“You look so beautiful in the candlelight, Ben. Makes my heart ache.”

‘I was just thinking the same thing about you!” Ben said.

Both laughed.

“Let’s hope the food is good here, considering the price,” Poe said.

“There was this place on Starkiller Base. Did great grilled dewback…” Ben trailed off.

“It’s something I think about… at times,” Poe said. “Not everyone in the First Order would be evil.”

“Most of them just didn’t know. As far as they were concerned, they were just living their lives. They believed the propaganda. As I did.”

Both lapsed into a not uncomfortable silence.

“Let’s not talk about this,” Poe said. “We spend too much time dwelling on the past.”

*

Forty minutes later, the wine was creating a nice buzz in Ben’s body. Although he wasn’t a drinker, and preferred not to drink at all while on the Resistance base, he was comfortable in the new surroundings. He used his powers to tip the wine bottle and pour the likewise giggly Poe another glass.

“Now you’re just showing off!” Poe said, but picked up the wine glass anyway, and clanged it together with Ben’s in a toast. “Go on …”

“No!” Ben shook his head.

“Come on, Ben. Show me how you do a mind trick.”

At that point, their waiter came back to the table. “All to your satisfaction?” He asked Poe, turning his back on Ben completely.

“Exquisite, thanks.”

“Do you know who we are?” Ben asked.

The waiter spun around. “Of course. You are Poe Dameron and Ben Solo. You’re two of possibly the most famous people in the galaxy.”

Ben wasn’t too surprised by this, but it still came as a bit of a shock to be recognised. He glanced around the restaurant. The others, in candlelit tables around them, were involved in conversation, not even making furtive glances in their direction.

“No, we’re not.” For an unknown reason, his mind went to the music group that Finn had been talking about for the past week, the ones who covered their faces and played fifty different musical instruments. Focusing his powers, he said “We’re two members of the group Sixth Agency. Please don’t tell the others until we leave.” For a moment, the waiter’s eyes went blank, before he blinked. “You are two members of the group Sixth Agency. I will not tell the others until you leave.”

The waiter than picked up their empty dinner plates and left. 

“That was brilliant, Ben! Of course, Sixth Harmony famously covers their faces.”

“He’s going to now think that the most revered pilot and famous wannabie dark lord are now moonlight as members of an average band.”

Poe shrieked with laughter. “Damn, Ben…” he shook his head.

*

Ben lay naked on the hotel bed, his flesh still flushed and sweaty, mind still spaghettified from the intense morning lovemaking session he and Poe had just completed. Somehow, they’d managed to outdo the one from the night before. Possibly their drunken state the night before had something to do with that. Lying on his side next to him, with his head resting on his hand, Poe spoke.

“I think we outdid ourselves, that time.”

“I just orgasmed so hard I think I damaged something in my brain,” Ben jested.

Appearing pleased with himself, Poe climbed out of the bed.

“Alright, shower and then we have to go,” Poe still bore the result of their lovemaking on his stomach and down the inside of his thighs. His hair was still tousled, neck red with love bites. Ben could still feel the familiar fluid running down his own thighs, splattered across his chest. The ghost of Poe’s thick erection still lingered in his mouth.

_Want more._

Ben crawled over to him and kissed his stomach, to the right of the semen splatter.

“Let’s stay a few more hours.”

“I would say yes but you have to be back in time to be with Leia by three. We’re already going to be late. Or I would say we would be, if it were anyone else piloting.”

Ben sulkily flung himself forward onto the bed.

“You know you’re adorable when you sulk?”

“I’m not sulking,” Ben said, burying his face in the covers.

“Aw…it’s tough being Ben Solo.”

Soft kisses rained down his spine, before Poe softly whacked him on the ass.

“Ten minutes and we’re leaving.”

*

Ben stepped onto the steady asphalt ground, stomach still clenching and threatening to spill its contents up his oesophagus and out of his mouth.

“See, you still have fifteen minutes until you have to meet the General,” Poe said.

Ben gripped at his shoulder, unsteady on his feet. Poe had, indeed, managed to bring him back to the base at a speedy pace. However, his meant he had to spin the craft around and jolt it from side to side, in a motion that spun Ben's abdominal contents and brain in the opposite direction. Although happy to be finally on steady ground, his stomach was not inclined to agree.

“Don’t rush to thank me,” Poe said.

“I’m going to throw up,” Ben said.

“Aw, you’ll be fine!” Poe ruffled his hair.

*

Ben enjoyed his afternoon with his mother, which was spent drinking tea in her suite and chatting. Leia was, as ever, a verbose and witty companion. However, the time went by too quickly and although Leia told him she’d see him the same time tomorrow, Ben still doubted she would hold to that promise.

Deciding not to search for Poe’s mind, he instead went with his instincts that he would be, as was usual, hovering around the aircraft bay, with his fellow pilots. He quickly traversed the corridors and paths outside to the familiar gravel, smile fading at the clear commotion occurring ahead. From his wildly gesticulating hands, it was obvious Poe was arguing with a couple of his fellow pilots. As Ben moved closer, Finn placed his hand on Poe’s arm to stop him, so he could speak.

“I was in the First Order. Have you two forgotten? Why do you accept me and not-?”

Ben’s insides twist around each other, as half a dozen or so heads turned to him. Of course, who else would they be talking about?

“You’re wrong!” Finn said.

Ben stood beside Poe, to examine the dissenting pilots. Both pale blond brother and sister had never actively caused him any trouble.

“We don’t care!” The blonde girl came forward. “Even if he… in fact, he should know! We’re onto you.” She now spoke directly to Ben. “We know what you’re about.”

“And what’s that?” Ben replied, inwardly telling his pounding heart to steady.

“You may have fooled the General and Poe but not us. We think you’re a spy for the First Order.”

A few of the pilots jeered, but a fair few also yelled denunciations. This Ben viewed as encouraging.

“Oh, come on, he killed Snoke!” One of the pilots shouted.

“Leia wouldn’t allow a spy to come here!” said Jess.

“She’s blinded because it’s her son!” The pale blond twin now spoke. “This man killed and tortured! Poe, he tortured you!”

“I have never denied it,” Ben said. “But I’m trying to make up for the terrible things I-“

“Forget it, Ben,” Poe folded his arms. “Some people you will never convince of the truth.”

“He’s brainwashed you, Poe, don’t you see it?” The blonde girl now said. “He has the power. The first time you two met, he got into your head. He’s been getting in ever since.”

All of the blood drain from his face. No, he would never hurt Poe in that way, not the violation he forced of his mind.

“That was totally different!” Poe said. “Come on, I’m not in control of my own mind? This is _me_ we’re talking about here!”

_But you did get into his mind? Remember? Merely two days before._

“Well, I trust the General,” another woman spoke up. “If she says Ben Solo is remorseful, I believe it.”

“I am,” Ben said.

“Why can’t you believe this?” Rey asked.

“Again, the cousin! Can’t you see where this is all going?” The blond man spoke up.

“I don’t know what to do to convince you all of the truth. My heart… my soul is torn apart by what I did. By the evils that Kylo Ren… I know nothing I do will make up for…”

“Forget it, Ben,” Finn now spoke. “The ones who don’t believe you, you will never convince.”

Something in the face of the male twin, the anguish in his pale eyes, clenched Ben’s chest.

“There were loved ones of ours on those planets you decided on a whim to blow up. Every single one of us has lost people. We lost our parents. Our brother. Six years old. What do you say to that?”

Tears pooled in the corners of Ben’s eyes. “There’s nothing I can say that would even come close to what you have lost.” He opened his mind, to the depth of their grief, like a knife penetrating his chest, tearing through the delicate membranes to plunge into the organ, pumping the vital life essence that was his blood. The tears seeped down his cheeks.

“No, you don’t cry! You don’t get to cry!” The male twin’s face was blotched with red. The crowd gathered around grew quiet. Even Poe, Rey and Finn now silently watched the two, eyes pinioning from one to the other.

“I’m so sorry…” Ben said.

The twin drew his hand back. Ben allowed the slap. Calamity around. A few people cheered. Most gave exclamations of disgust. Poe rushed forward, but Ben placed a hand on his shoulder. He deserved this. He deserved all that they had to give him. And more.

The twin slapped him again, hard enough to whip his head hard to the left, his jaw now stinging. A howl sounded from the mouth of the bereaved man, and he drove his fist into Ben’s jaw again, his stomach, knocking the wind from him, as he collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath, followed by his stomach again. Although Ben could easily use his powers to overpower him if he wished, he allowed the twin to kick him in the chest, sprawling him on his back.

“You shouldn’t even be here!” The revolver appeared in the twin’s hand. A few people gasped. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Poe rushing forward. Ben quickly withdrew his lightsaber from its holster and turned it on, deflecting the bullet that would have slammed straight into his face.

For a moment, no one moved. Then the twin was on the ground, with Finn on one side, and Rey on the other, holding him down. As he turned off the lightsaber and holstered it, Poe was at his side, his face too pale, eyes too wide.

“He tried to kill him! He tried to kill Ben Solo!” One of the pilots shouted.

“It’s what he deserves!” the twin spat.

“Take him away!” Jess shouted. More than a few others shouted in agreement. “The General needs to hear about this!”

“You’re okay?” Poe asked, tenderly touching the newly forming bruise on Ben’s jaw.

“I’m fine,” Ben said, grabbing his hand and holding it in his own. “I’ll be okay.”

Tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

Leia told all of those who were a party to Ben’s assault to wait outside in the corridor, while she privately conferred with each of them, one on one. Poe and Ben were the last to go in. They sat silently, Poe’s hand clammy in his own. By the time Leia called Poe in and he let go of his partner’s hand, Ben’s palm was somewhat chilly, from Poe’s sweat.

As Poe stepped into the room, quietly snicking the door shut, Ben folded his hands together, staring down at his overly large shoes. His heart still slammed in his chest, anxiety twisting his innards into a fine knot. Certainly, his mother would be fair, in listening to the witnesses; moreover, he was pleased to register the amount of people who had defended him, after the physical alteration.

However, he should not have allowed the bullies to goad him, to begin with. He really should have simply walked away. But then, he counterargued, would that have been fair to Poe, who had been diligent in defending him?

He would spend the rest of his life, making up for his evils as Kylo Ren. That he accepted, without question. But at times, he simply felt so incredibly fatigued by the constant battle…

The door opened and Poe stepped out, favouring him with a weak smile.

“You’re up,” he said.

With his heart now pounding at triple it’s normal rate, Ben stepped into the bare office and closed the door behind himself. Leia had pulled both of the desk chairs around to the front of the empty desk and was seated in the one on the left. Ben came over and took the one on the right.

“Okay, tell me what happened today, Ben,” Leia said.

Ben bit his bottom lip, in an unconscious imitation of Poe, and then talked, detailing the events of that afternoon. As he spoke of his remorse, tears stung his eyelids. He blinked to clear them. When he finished, Leia regarded him a moment, her eyes, the same shade as his own, grasping deep into his soul, tearing through his defences to arrive at the absolute truth.

“Did you know, Ben, that nearly every person that I’ve spoken to has verified your side of the story? Furthermore, they appear to be angry at Vance Radele, for attacking you, to begin with,” Leia finally spoke.

“Well, that’s comforting, I guess.”

Leia tenderly grasped his jaw, turning his head, to scrutinise the blossoming bruise.

“Have you been to the infirmary?”

“I’m fine, mother,” he shook his head, to free himself of her touch.

“So stubborn. Wonder where you get that from? Go to the infirmary. That’s an order.”

“Yes, mother.” He could hear Poe’s voice, in his mind. _“You’re pouting again, Ben.”_

“Well, I’ll say one thing. By taking their abuse, you actually managed to turn their fellow pilots against _them_ and for _you_. No mean feat.”

“That wasn’t my intention.”

A warm smile lit up Leia’s diminutive features. “I’m proud of you, today.” She grabbed his hands, holding them in her own. “The ones who hurt you won’t go unpunished.”

“No, please don’t…” _That’s what Kylo Ren would do._ “Don’t punish them on my behalf.”

Her brown eyes bore into him.

_Please, mother…_

“Okay, but I’m going to tell them it’s because of _you_ they haven’t been punished. But I’m also going to keep an eye on them. I don’t want any chance of them hurting you again.”

*

Ben noticed an odd occurrence, in the next few hours, after getting cleared from the infirmary. After he retired to the local pub with Poe, Rey and Finn, a fair few of his friends’ fellow pilots took the effort to go to their table and speak to not only Poe, but himself, in particular.

_“Hey, Ben, alright?”_

_“How about you, Ben, can we get you a drink?”_

_“You’re alright, Ben. You’re alright.”_

Ben would always answer these questions with bemused cordiality. A few even patted him on the back, before leaving. He didn’t take up their offer of a drink and refrained from searching  their minds, despite being inwardly a little baffled by the attention.

Poe, conversely, was a pale imitation of his usual vivacious self, holding Ben’s hand and spending long periods of the conversation staring down at his drink. As a result, Ben conversed far more with Finn, who was his usual sparkly self, than he ever had before.

After the fourth incident of one of the Resistance pilots patting him on the back, before walking away, Ben shook his head, reaching under the table to gently stroke Poe’s thigh.

“You just standing and allowing yourself to get beaten, even though we all knew you could fling them across the asphalt if you wanted, with your powers, really seems to have struck a chord with them. I think they’re impressed,” Finn said. “Especially when you deflected the bullet with your lightsaber.”

“Allowing him to straight up murder me, seemed to be taking things a little too far,” Ben said, laconically.

Poe’s thigh tensed under his fingers

 “Well, at least we learnt one thing today. Turns out you do have more than a few people on your side, here,” Rey said.

*

“Everything ok? You were very quiet tonight,” Ben said, locking the bedroom door behind himself. Poe walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his own rich curls.

“Just the usual… my boyfriend was almost murdered by a fellow pilot and I’m once again reminded that everything I have been taught my entire life is wrong.”

Ben came over and sat beside him, taking his hand. This conversation was not unfamiliar. Poe was brought up with a more simplistic view of the world than himself. The Resistance was good and just. The First Order was evil and wrong. Of course, this perception had been challenged; firstly by his friendship with Finn, the ex-stormtrooper, and then by himself.

“The Resistance is still preferable to the First Order. They still do a lot of evil. Not everything you have been taught is wrong. There were good and just people in the First Order, yes, like Finn. And there are terrible people in the Resistance. But you have to look at their overall agenda. That’s where the Resistance is far more superior to the First Order,” Ben said. “Besides, I was under no danger of being actually killed.”

Poe’s fingers went to his waistline. For a moment, he thought his intention was of an erotic nature, before Poe trailed his fingers over the hilt of his lightsaber. Without hesitation, Ben took the item from its holster and handed it to him. Poe held it out and switched it on, the dark red serrated blade and cross guard for a moment fizzling in the air, before he switched it off again.

“So much death and destruction. I hate it,” Poe admitted. “From both sides.” He handed the lightsaber back to Ben.

This lightsaber, heavy and yet specifically moulded to his hand, this weapon, which had killed his own father, was the last remnant of Kylo Ren. Disgust drenched his body, filling his veins with poison. He gave a choked cry.

“Ben?” Poe said, placing his hand on his shoulder.

The whisper of his father’s hand on his cheek, the blade buried deep in his chest. No no no no. Ben could no longer bare to touch this item, that he had painstakingly crafted over hours, with dark thoughts of glory and infamy.

Crying out, as though it burnt his fingers, he threw the powerful item across the room and focused his powers. The lightsaber hovered, mid-air a moment, before exploding into fragments. Poe screamed, in shock.

“What the hell, Ben?”

“That lightsaber, was the last vestige of Kylo Ren. I couldn’t stand touching it any more…” Both stood and them moved over to  the tiny fragments now littering the ground. “You thought I’d momentarily gone mad, didn’t you?” A half- smirk twisted Ben’s lips. “It’s okay. I’ll make another one. A more powerful one.”

A gentle hand reached under his chin and tilted his head to the side. “It had better be as imperfect at that one.” Soft lips brushed against his own, before Poe’s tongue tangled with his and they stumbled back to the bed.

*

He was quite certain that his mother would not keep to her promise. But, sure enough, every day, at precisely three pm, there would be the knock on the door and there she would be. They would often then have tea together, in one of the library rooms, sitting on poufs opposite each other and chatting. She was easy and witty company.

Leia was also finally involving him more in the day to day actions of the resistance. When he wasn’t accompanying Poe, Finn and Rey on their specific duties, he was labouring to fashion a new lightsaber. After experimenting with different designs, he concluded to keep to the old one, with the only change being the colour of the kyber crystal from red, to blue.

Then came the news. Poe, and his entire squadron this time, were being sent on another mission, to Carelian 5, to attempt to blow a dent in the fledgling First Order’s attempt at re-establishing itself. Poe now stood by the wing of his aircraft, arms wrapped tight around Ben’s neck, as he kissed him with a ferocity that was a little startling. Behind him, Rey was busy prepping for their journey. Poe’s usual companion, Finn, was sick with space flu and had been sneezing and coughing up green phlegm all morning, all the while still insisting that he would be fine to fly. Ben had also wanted to go with them, but Leia had held firm.

“Not this time, Ben. I’m sorry. Maybe the next.”

So, it seemed she was still reticent to place him in direct danger.

They pulled away, and Ben became captured in Poe’s eyes, so wide and beautiful, in the bright sunlight.

“If you want to read my thoughts-“ Poe began.

Ben shook his head. “That’s fine.”

 “I’m giving you permission,” Poe said.

“I’ll see you when you get back,” Ben said, smiling.

“Alright, but then we’re going to make love all afternoon.”

Unable to resist, Ben kissed his lips, and again, running his hands through his hair.

“Alright, you irritatingly sweet couple, we’ve got to go,” Rey called out, from the cockpit.

Ben pecked Poe’s sweet lips and reluctantly let him go. This time, when the expected pain at allowing him to depart came, it was less intense, somehow, no longer a stabbing but more a gentle nudge.

*

“I couldn’t… I’m sorry, Ben…”  Leia said.

Ben placed the porcelain tea cup back on the saucer and sat it down on the ornamental ceramic table between them.

“I enjoy our hourly chats together,” Leia admitted. “I look forward to them.”

“You don’t want me to be in danger, I understand,” Ben said.

“No…I just wanted to spend more time with you. That’s the truth,” Leia said. “Poe will be back soon enough.”

*

Upon visiting the infirmary, to find Finn, Ben was told that he had been released back to his room, to rest up for the next few days. Although Leia had warned him not to increase the risk of the virus spreading to him, Ben felt impelled to see how he was. It seemed odd he had once tried to murder Finn, by slicing through his back. Now, he considered him a friend.

Stopping by the kitchen on the way to Finn's room, he filled a mug with lemon, hot water and honey and continued traversing the corridors.

Half-way there, he froze at the sight of the familiar figure coming towards him, down the wide hallway.

_Isn’t he a part of Poe’s squadron? Why isn’t he with them?_

Making eye-contact with Ben, the blond man flinched, eyes darting from side to side, as though looking for an escape.

Ben stepped closer. The man was significantly physically smaller, without his friends around.

“You want me, don’t you?” Ben asked, huskily, bemused.

The man trembled, and, with clear determination, met his eyes.

“I know the truth,” the blond said. ‘I know who you really are.”

“And who’s that?”

“A brilliant actor. Even mommy dearest doesn’t see it.”

A stray thought entered his mind, unwittingly cast out, from the man’s brain.

_And in three nights, she won’t ever need to._

Ben laughed, focusing his powers. “You will no longer harass and bully me. And you will be happy to see me and Poe together, and not wish to see us separated,’ he paused. “And you will no longer…”

_What does it matter, really, if he thinks of you when he masturbates?_

The man’s vacant eyes continued to stare at him.

“That is all.”  The man could indulge in his own fantasies. After all, they were safe in the security of his own brain.

“I will no longer bully and harass you. And I am happy to see you and Poe together and do not wish you to be separated,” the man repeated.

“Good, you may go.”

The man shook his head and then continued up the hall.

A few turns later, he located the right door and knocked. For a good thirty seconds, there was no response. He was about to turn away, when it opened. Finn’s eyes were blood shot and underlined with dark circles. In his hands he held a snotty rag.

“I ah… just wanted to see how you were…” Ben said.

“Feel terrible,” Finn said. “So, Poe’s left?” He coughed into the hanky.

“Yes, he’s departed…”

“Wish I could come. I begged but I’m too sick.”

Ben’s mind returned to the blond down the hall.

_I thought all the ones who weren’t sick were ordered to leave the base. Why is he still here?_

For a moment, both stood, awkwardly. Finn pointed at the half-constructed lighsaber, in his belt.

“How you going? Almost done?”

“The cross-guard isn’t perfect yet but... I was going to work on it tonight…”

Finn opened the door a little. “Want to come in? I guarantee I’ll be terrible company.”

Ben walked into a messy room, with clothes strewn all over the floor. If this was the First Order, Finn would be heavily reprimanded, sickness or not.

“Oh…” He noted Finn staring at the drink in his hand. “This is for you. Honey, lemon and water. It’s meant to help.”

Finn took a sip and nodded. “This is nice, thank you.”

The ex-stormtrooper then utterly perplexed Ben when he started giggling.

“I’m sorry…. It’s just… you’ve got to admit. This whole situation is pretty funny. Ex-stormtrooper and ex Dark Jedi from the First Order bonding over lemon and honey water.”

Ben also laughed a little, getting the joke.

*

Two days later, Ben received the news, from Leia. Poe and company had been forced to retreat. Though they had hit the first Order planet hard, their defences were a lot more advanced than the Resistance had established, in their recon. After sustaining casualties, the pilots pulled back. Although disappointed the attack didn’t go as planned, Ben was simply glad for them to be coming home. Sneezing three times, he threw the blankets back and forced his cold and shivering body to stand, grabbing the thickest coat he could find and wrapping it around himself, before fishing around on the ground for his shoes. He was still wearing the loose trousers and t-shirt that constituted his pyjamas but, at that point, didn’t much care.

Once outside, he momentarily placed his hand against the wall, steadying himself, as the usual cough rose up in his throat. Violently hacking up green slime from his lungs, he considered whether to just climb back into bed.

_No, he had to get to Poe._

He got half-way down the hall, when Finn’s voice settled warmth into his stomach. Due to the ex-stormtrooper’s flu, they had interacted sparsely, over the past few days. Even so, Finn had been exceptionally verbose and a lot wittier than he’d previously given him credit for.

“So, you caught it too, huh?”

“I feel awful…” Ben admitted.

Finn came beside him. “So, you can’t use your Jedi powers to stop the flu?”

Ben shook his head. “Wish that were true-“

Slowly, they moved down the corridor, making their way to the front entrance.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m almost one hundred percent. So, with the antibiotics, it only lasts a few days.”

“No, that doesn’t make me feel any-“ He broke off to cough, once more.

 After turning a few corridors, Jess came up before them.

“Oh hey, I take it you guys heard the news.”

Behind her, the other pilots continued to make their way forward, through the compound. Ben’s current seediness beat a momentary retreat from his body, as curly dark hair and olive skin captured his attention. He continued forward, into Poe’s embrace, as beside him, Finn and Rey did likewise.

“I have to make my report to General Organa. This is serious. I think we may have a spy, here. They knew we were coming,” Poe said, as they drew away. Ben sneezed twice and wiped his nose onto a tissue, before shoving it back into his pocket.

“My poor poor Ben is sick? I’ll make you feel better,” Poe promised.

*  
And so he did.

After his report to Leia (with Ben sneezing and coughing in the background with such vehemency, that more than a few of the ones around him back away, a little), Poe took him to his room, stripped them both of their clothes, and, ignoring Ben’s coughs, kissed and stroked and prepared them both until Ben was aching for more.

Thrusting his powerful thighs up and down, as he begged Ben to come inside him, Poe rode him until he was hollering out in intense orgasm. Then, while Ben was still languid and content, he lifted Ben’s legs, hooked them over his shoulders and pounded him, sticking his tongue deep inside his mouth, as he shot his come equally as deep inside him.

“Feeling better?” Poe said, sliding out of him.

“Mm…” Ben curled his fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “You were planning that, weren’t you?”

“I may have been thinking about what exactly I was going to do to you, when I came back…” Poe grinned. “But it wasn’t all sex. I was hoping to have another dinner date.”

“We can do that,” Ben coughed into his hand. “Just let me get better, first. And then you have to get better. Because now you undoubtedly will catch what I have.”

“I don’t care,” Poe said.

Sharp rapping sounded on their door. Poe groaned, grabbed his dressing gown off the end of the bed, shrugged it on, and opened the door, to BB8 rolling into the room.

“What is it, buddy?” He asked, kneeling down in front of the droid.

With a series of beeps and whirls, BB8 said General Organa was on her way. Ben moaned, pulled the blanket up and rolled over.

“Alright, alright,” Feet stomped across the room, followed by the swish of a wardrobe opening and the rifling of clothes hangers. “Damn.”

Ben rolled over, to view Poe shrugging on some trousers. He’d already flung a t-shirt over his sculpted body.

“Sick…” Ben moaned. “Tell her to go away.”

Knocking sounded once more on the door. The door creaked, as it opened.

“General,” Poe said.

“I’m here to see my son, Poe.”

“Certainly, General.”

Ben pulled the blanket up higher over his ear, his face heating up. The scent of his and Poe’s lovemaking still lingered strong, in the room. Her feet were decidedly lighter than Poe’s on the carpet.

“Ben?” Her warm hand covered his forehead. “He has a bit of a temperature. I’ve got some medication for him. Will help with the fever and any body aches. Tell him to take them every six hours. I’ve also organised for him to be given honey lemon tea before every meal. You have permission to take the rest of the day off. Make sure my son is okay. And please tell me if he takes a turn for the worse.”

“Yes, General.”

“I’ll be back later.”

More footsteps sounded, following by the door snicking shut.

“Alright, Benny boy. Let’s give you some pills to make you better,” Poe said.

*

_“Get up!”_

Ben jolted awake.

_“Go to Leia’s room now.”_

Beside him, Poe’s breaths were deep and even.

“What-?” He devolved into a stream of harsh coughs. No, he told himself. I need to-

_“You need to go, now!”_

“Aaargh!” Ben flung the sheets back, stomped over and opened the dresser.

“What are you doing?” Poe’s head shot up, amongst the tangle of blankets.

“Go back to sleep,” he shoved on a pair of trousers and a t-shirt.

“Ben, whatever it is, you’re not-“

_“Go now!”_

Ignoring Poe, Ben undid the lock on the door.

“Ben-“ Poe grumbled.

He rushed out of the room, searching, finding Leia, touching his mind on hers.

_Ben-_

_You’re in trouble. Something is-_

Another mind close to hers, near hers.

He stopped moving, as his chest was wracked with coughing, and the link to Leia broke.

“Ben, come on, come back to bed-“ Poe sounded, behind him.

“Something is wrong,” Ben managed to gasp. “Go to my mother’s room, now. Please!”

Although clearly baffled, Poe did as he bid, rushing down the corridor.

Ben continued behind him, at a much more sluggish pace, as he tried to re-establish his mental link with his mother. After what seemed an eon, he finally reached her quarters. In the centre of the front room, by the lounge chair, two Resistance members held a third- the blond man- between them. Poe stood to one side of him, Leia, on the other.

“Ben!” As he stepped into the room, Leia rushed forward. “You knew he was about to attack me?”

“I don’t know how I just… I had this instinct…”

The blond man’s thought resurfaced, in his mind.

_And in three nights, she won’t ever need to._

“He’s the spy, isn’t he?” He gestured to the struggling blond man.

“I came to see him blow open the door with his blaster,” Poe said, signalling to the large hole now in Leia’s door. “I rushed and fought and overpowered him, before he could even get to Leia’s room.”

“He’s the liar! He’s the traitor!” The blond shouted.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yes, because I just saved my mother’s life, because _I’m_ the traitor.”

“Take him away,” Leia said. “I’ll deal with them later.”

The man hollered as he was rushed out of the room. 

*

Leia called the meeting soon after. All of the Resistance members were called to the operations room. It didn’t take long for everyone to pile in. Ben was amazed at how small the group actually was. He surmised possibly three hundred bodies at most filled the room. Leia had been insistent that Poe and himself stand beside her. Ben sneezed a few times, switching his mind off from the thoughts of those openly staring at him.

“The reason why I have gathered you all here, is to tell you what happened earlier today,” Leia began. “I don’t want any rumour to start. This is the absolute truth. There was a spy in our midst.”

A few of the gathered Resistance stated to whisper to each other, as the atmosphere became charged with a sense of foreboding.

“I will not name the man, suffice to say that he broke into my quarters this morning. Poe Dameron and my son, Ben Solo went to my quarters to apprehend him. Poe caught him going towards my bedroom bearing a laser gun and managed to disarm him. He later confessed to spying and will be dealt with appropriately as a traitor and imprisoned. Now, I have heard the rumours surrounding my son and I am hoping that his actions today will put them to rest. If I hear that anyone is insinuating that Ben Solo had nothing other than our best interest at heart, then I will severely deal with them. Now, Poe, anything to say?”

Poe stepped forward.

“I went to the General’s room with Ben Solo, because he was insistent that something was wrong. Ben Solo was adamant that the General was in danger. He just knew, through his connection with the Force. I only arrived there first because Ben is currently suffering from the virus that is going around. It is because of Ben that the spy was thwarted.”

Ben inwardly cringed at all eyes now directly pointed at him.

“Ben, anything to say?”

Ben and Leia’s eyes met.

“I know I…I know my past as Kylo Ren…” Ben forced himself to not look down at the ground, to shy away from those looking directly at him. “The acts that he committed were so heinous. Some of you can find no sympathy for me now. I understand. But know that the remorse that I feel… I will spend the rest of my life making up for what he did. I know the words may mean little, to people who have lost so much. But I am sorry… I am so sorry,” unbidden tears fell down his cheeks.

Leia squeezed his upper arm. “If anyone else has anything to say, please speak up.”

The entire group fell silent.

“Thank you, dismissed,” Leia said.

*

Sitting in their usual back booth, with Poe, Finn and Rey, Ben’s very bones felt too heavy to move. The day had certainly drained him of any energy he had, to begin with. The other three were talking about different engines of X-Wings, a topic that he found mind numbingly boring, when a group of three men stopped in front of the table.

“We just wanted to say that we appreciate what you said today,” the dark-haired tall man spoke. “And we’re sorry that you haven’t been given the level of respect that you should have.”

“Thank you,” Ben said.

Soon, more and more Resistance members came up to him, to thank him for his speech.

Ben opened his mind, allowing the thoughts of others to flood into his system, narrowing in on the ones about him. Many expressed guilt and confusion, many felt relief, only a few still expressed anger at him and disbelief.

“I think it won’t be so bad for me here, in the future,” Ben said, to the other three.

*

Poe lay on his back, with Ben strewn across him, kissing across his clavicle, as Poe ran his fingers through his hair and down his spine. After a rather leisurely bout of lovemaking, Ben was more than ready for a long slumber.

“Poe… my Poe…”

“Hey, I don’t belong to you, buddy,” Poe jested. “I’m my own man.”

“Mine…” Ben growled, sucking on his shoulder.

“Okay, I can belong to you, that’s fine,” Poe giggled.

Ben moved up to kiss his lips. “I think it’s the opposite. _I_ belong to _you_. I would do anything for you. Anything.”

“Would you… make me a quinberry cake?”

“With extra quinberrys.”

Poe giggled in the most attractive way. “Would you let me play with your lightsaber?”

Ben climbed naked out of the bed and grabbed the lightsaber out of its holder, in the right corner of the room, before handing it to Poe.

“Hm…” Poe switched it on. The new lightsaber was similar to his old one, except a blue, instead of red plasma issued out, along the two cross-guards and main blade, from the cracked Kyber crystal. “Impressive.” He handed it back to Ben, who replaced it on the holder and crawled back into bed, to rest upon him, once more. Poe’s arms went around his back, to resume in their stroking.

“I can’t even begin to describe how much you mean to me, what you’ve done for me,” Ben said, looking up at his beloved partner. “I love you so much I can barely even comprehend it, at times.”

All of Poe’s response was evident in the pure love that poured from every cell of his being, attaining the apex in his beatific expression.

“Thank you for just being you,” Ben finished.

“You’re welcome. And likewise, Ben Solo. Very much likewise. Things will be different now, beautiful, you’ll see,” Poe said, kissing him leisurely on the mouth.

For the first time since he’d switched sides, to fight with the Resistance, Ben heartily agreed.


End file.
